Once upon a time there was a lonely Eru. He wandered among the void, picking up stuff and putting it down, and never quite feeling that the secret of life was in his grasp. So one day he had a brainfart- and spewed forth the AINUR. WOW a whole rugby team, some bare knuckled boxers AND ring girls, all with one mighty blast!

Eru was so pleased with himself that he settled right in to family life, claiming the lovely Lass Ally, who was really Manwe, to wife. Eru always WAS a trend setter! Before you could say ricecakes, the Ainur were marrying each other willy nilly - or Willie Nelson if you happen to be into country music!

Manwe's wife Varda, who is actually BB, married Hoth, who is actually Mandos. But this was about the same time that BB had been Sam, married to Rosie, who was Brandy. Brandy woke up as Vaire one morning, which made her married to Mandos.

Mandos has one sister, Nienna. Nienna is actually Fea, who was, until a few days ago, Eomer. However, she had been Vaire at one time, which married her to Mandos, while Fea was married to PG who is Orome. Orome happens to be married to Vana, who is Sere, who was also married to BB when she was Rosie. Sere had also been married to Ban, who was Nienna, who is also the sister of Lorien, who is now Arwe.

Lorien is married to Este, who is Luthy, who is Married to Mo, who is Morgoth, and lives alone in the void.

Aule goes by Mahal around here, and is actually Dis. Mahal is married to Yavanna, who is Roh, who is still looking for a husband. Purple men being rather scarce, even in Valinor, she plots endlessly to get ONE of them to go stompling on the grapes she produces endlessly. But not even Tulkas, who is Achoo, who is married to Nessa, who is Bael, has taken the bait. That leaves Ulmo- alone in the great ocean...waiting to come to the Blessed Shore.

You have 5 minutes to complete the quiz. Starting NOW.

And WELCOME to the fruitcake farm - where sanity is a decided disadvantage!