What do you get when you mix a muggle with a snake problem, a spinach clone, a deck of Fish cards and some oddly behaved Valar? Why, page two of the Istari's Quacky Quotes!

 

Compiled by Arwe Thereyet:

El - *El raises her feet as a giant snake slithers by, pursued by a furry blur* No, I will not believe they just "followed you home from battle practice"!

PG - Um, I always wanted to be a wizard. I mean - these robes are so comfortable and all these pockets inside? So cool. I finally have more room for my knife collection. And I got this cool staff! Check these carvings out. I had Aule make the base for it too.
Hey!! I know - can you teach me some spells? That would be sooo great!

Le Bob - People! Saturnine tidings I bear! The White Council is in great peril, I’ve run out of mascara! In three hours, I will melt and be reduced to half a cup of atomic matter, unless I quickly find some of the stuff. Peegee, Dikke Burger, please, anyone, mascara!

Bear - <Nessa Edit: "What are we going to do tonight, Brain? The same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world!" >

Aaahh Miss Luthy - Oh Bear, you too? can i interest you in some boot rear?
Bear - Luth: Certainly, Madame. May I offer you some "eye-scream" in return...?

Compiled by Lanthir:

Arwe Tolman: Started the Quacky Quotes. Didn’t do much, but got it started.

PG: Ahhhh!!! I said gently, woman! I am only a Vala after all.....geez...

PG: Hey guys! Just stopped in for some Tabbou...*Splat* Gah!! I hate when that happens. Now I’m gonna be tasting frog the rest of the day!

El: El walks in for her morning chai and sees the wizard’s once again demonstarting their inability to keep their food on their plates.

El: *El waves over to Lady Took* Welcome to Isengard.. don’t mind the flying frogs and wacky wizards...

Annolori:To Rider: Sorry, mate, don’t do orthanc fires around here! Sporran sizzle -yes. Balrog sparklers- yes, Beleriand Blue Fire, but I’m afraid I’m all out of the Orthanc stuff. Went out in the fifth age, if you take my drift!

Dweia_Undomiel:"Oooh..." she says to herself, fascinated by the green teeth...Then aloud, "Could I have a spinach donut too?"

"You mean we have to stay here? What are the symptoms?" Looks at PG. "Never mind, I can see them. Green teeth and a strange attraction - repulsion for spinach donuts."

El: Its errrmmm... spinach El...

Some more from Arwe:

Aleluya - *doesn’t know if it’s a honour or not to can be eaten. tries to think its a good thing and smiles at Luth*

MM - Well, there’s no one in here, yet I’ll have to try a bite of myself. Perhaps the meaning of life is finding the best way to prepare one’s self in a meal?

Rudhelin - Finally, you mix in some thick oatmeal. The kind that is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid", "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

Araithnhan - Oh please! Don’t smite us! It was all WG’s fault! And El’s, it was definitely El’s, she sent us on this crazy quest! Better yet, blame Aule! He’s the one who gave us the hammer. Blame Hurin for putting up the grave, blame Morwen for dying... Blame Eru for giving men the gift of mortality! (On second thought it might be better to be smote by a Vala than Iluvatar...) Blame anyone but us!

Compiled by El:

El: *El turns to see the Istari Fly Trap* Oh dear, what you sadistic little wizards don’t come up with...

PG: Remember, only you can prevent Orthanc fires.

Rud:That was a little Lordly humor, there. One hopes you did not wet yourself.

Nissy: That scroundrel we call an editor should be boiled in hot ice cream. He constantly puts an H in my name!!!! There is no darn H!!!!! *scoffs in head* He is degrading the Wimplepants name... could even be causing me to get mixed up with some Nancy Whimplepants... The horror!"

Mairian Man: *takes out a pyre* this should come in useful.

Makar: Tolman, I think it will be fun working with you...may the best tamperer win!

El: *hums theme song from Indiana Jones, ponders whether or not a tree falling in the woods would make a sound, plots world domination and bumps*

Tolman: If you leave lint on a lens, and then look through the telescope, all you see is GREAT BIG LINT. Lint the size of trees!

Arai: Well LN, I have no sentimental attachment to the hat, but it wouldn’t be fair to send Luya either, she’s been drinking her way through every pub in Middle Earth with me-- she’s in no condition to fly!

PG: mmmmmmm...forbidden donut...

Hawk: *Hawk hands El a huge wrapped Zyrtec shaped bottle, and hopes El’s not allergic to it.*

Skyline: How unusual, the little horsey causing yet again more trouble, tsk tsk shame on him

PG:Aiiiieee!!! Somebody bit me!!!
Tolman: Sorry, was hallucinating chocolate Easter bunnies.
Luth:chocolate wizard bunnies?

Hawk:hehe we are probably going to get in trouble for wedgieing in a no wedgie zone

Arwe's a Quote Collector Extraordinare:

Tolman - Fish cards drift up from the deck, and one by one they speak to her.
"Bob is gone." One whispers, "he has risen to a higher plane."
"Beware the jaberwock. I think he travels in Bear’s entourage."
"There is safety in numbers, but not in letters"
"We are fish cards, we don’t play poker, but we have seen the bridge." Another mutters darkly.
"How many wizards does it take to screw in a light bulb? Hah, 9! One to hold the bulb and 8 to chant the rotate spell."
"A stitch in time, saves nine. El needs you.She has been sewed poorly."
"And last but not least," a final whisper, "Don’t let Rudh make fish tacos."

Niseala - *Nis comes upstairs lazily, rubbing her eyes and letting her whip trail behind her. Suddenly, she trips.* Hey! Derom, don’t step on my whip! *Nissy walks off, whipping random things and muttering to herself.*

Niseala - Eh? I’m confused. I have words worth remembering? What were they?

Ian - ’I’m sorry!’ Ian shouts as he runs for safety,’It was only breakfast!

Lanthir's not too bad at this herself:

El: He’s also getting married (yes he already is. yes its confusing. No you shouldn’t ask.

El: Its actually kinda sweet, in a fish taco-y sort of way.

El:I shouldn’t be held responsible for the fact that he puts fish tacos in people’s pockets... even if I did egg him on

El :Once again, PG saved the day, even if he had to crash throught the roof of the astronomy lab to do it.

El: I remember the last time Rud went on a tear, he came at me with a baseball bat! I thought I’d write the advice giving nutters about it, but then I remembered Rud is an advice giving nutter

Stallomir: But El smiled at me and gave me some hot chocolate, so that was ok. Maybe i can try and dispose of Hawk again?...

Miss Luthy: ...and now Rud is running around biting people. I better make sure his rabies shots are updated

PG:The hooves of the Father of Horses may be swift and fleet, but the teeth of the Father of Horses can take off a finger or two.

PG:I may be Captain Oblivious, but I ain’t that dim. Sheesh.

Zion:Diary Dear. Not as dear as Starbreeze - but nearly . recently discovered that a sneaky Este was hibernating in Starbreeze’s cupboard - and when I found her she had a smirk riiiiight across her face. Hope she didn’t hear anything personal.

Lanthir:Happily, I landed in the lake that surrounds Orthanc, and wasn’t all that happy about it. But now I’m dry, El still is missing. I’m going to start administering veritaserum to people_ first of all, Hawk, Vana, and PG. If I survive all of this, we’ll see.

Compiled by Rudhelin:

Rudhelin (As Lord Bingham): "Lord Bingham and Lady WimplePants," bowed the ranger. "We have had reports that a foul plague is sweeping this great land and it originates from your office. I refer, to the Mad Wedgie Dancing Disease."

Rudhelin (As Lord Bingham):One nodded gravely. "One is afraid you have found us out, sir," one said. "And there! There stands the mother of all raving Wedgie dancers herself! The maddest of the mad Wedgiemites, Miss Lady WimplePants!" One’s finger flew out in an accusatory pose at a very surprised business partner. ’Ole People-Eater’ promptly fell with shock into a nearby spittoon. (Merely decorative, more’s the pity.)

Niseala: Please don’t... just stay at home.. have some ice cream, watch a girlie movie ont h palantir... These poor elves who will be dancing naked around the party probably do not want your old wrinkly self there as well.

Stall -Just thought i’d say, I’m 10 months old on Wednesday! Double figures! I’ll be a teenager soon!
PG - 10 months eh? I thought at that age you didn’t really have good depth perception, much less the ability to type on a keyboard.
Stall - lol, I meant plaza age of course.
PG - Oooohh. Hahaha. Was gonna offer ya a lollipop.

Compiled by Gall:

Wedgie-*looks toward Buffie* Be careful with the toad, she’s capable of much and please! don’t let Rud see it.*nods and walks off*

Geep- watch the foo-fooness, or you might get disqualified!

Rudhelin- I don’t know what ‘edible’ means … But I thinks it’s her gift to you”

El (about Peeg)- I swear its a miracle that he didn’t scare all the first born out of middle earth! And don’t ask me if how he managed to conquer Melkor!

Peeg- And I was kinda looking forward to Seeing GodSila stomping through Hobbiton myself.

Lanthir- I always have a BIIIIIG urge to slaughter anyone ignoring me.

El- Oh do close your mouth my good man, it is most impolite to stand there gaping during introductions.

Uruloki- oh excuse me ladies, I mean GET OUT THE WAY!

Pip Reonyea- *press snorts at pathetic hobbit*

Rudhelin's catching up:

Starbreeze - *Is woken up by one of her toads, wrapped in tinsel, and singing "Silent Night" (believe me, this is one song you never want to hear a toad sing!).

Rudhelin - His hands shaking in anticipation, he reaches forth and grabs his present. With hope beyond hope ... he unwraps it ..."YA HOO! ... It’s the Tulkas Action Figure I’ve wanted so bad!

Orome - For Rud, I have a set of crayons, blue and extra fat for easy grippin

Arwe Tolman - Now, I have so many to hand out! Where’s Rud, and Luthy? I got Rud a pair of ’Balrog underwear’ to replace those underoos. Pal says if you light them up, things could get hot! So... I got ’El’s Whip of the fallen Balrog’ for Luthy. She might need it. Or, they’ll make a good match!

Ancient_Wisdom - Oops and I didn’t get Pg anything *searches his pockets* Here, have my old paint brush, it has always served me well, I painted my finest work (if you can call it that) with this brush. Hope you make good use of it Pg, Merry Christmas!

Samwise Gamgee - Ok, Do to The fact that I have A messed up Keyboard that Will go Back a page if I press "X" (Which just happend after I wrote a VERY VERY ! long response) Just imagine me cracking jokes, eating cookies, and thanking everyone fr the wonderful gifts.

Starbreeze - Derom - a carrot - do I need to explain?

Ancient_Wisdom - love chocolate, especially reindeer shaped thanx! .. p.s. That banana you lost... *looks at the brown mushy thing in his hand* do you still want it?

Some more from El:

Rud (To Gall): I am rubber, you are glue, you’re howler bounces off me and sticks to you!

El: And as for Miss Lucy of Dol Amroth, I do suggest stearing clear of that chit as she has been known to ingest large quantities of Screaming Ringwraiths and has webbed feet.

Gall: Dear Red-faced Baboon and Eugenia Throckmorton Jones (heehee)

Nienna: Holy Eru, am I confuzzled

Achoo: Anyway we have a saying in Fangorn: when Saruman’s away, the Ents will play. Woo hoo hoom! Can I break anything in Isengard, just for old times sake?

GP: What? Pandora had a book? Maybe i should read that...

El:Ahhh she’s poking! We’ve got a code Foo-Foo! Get the clean up team in here and secure the perimeter! And Gracious Iluvatar get Gall quarantined!! *El runs about frantically flapping her arms and hollering*

PG: Pipey!!!! My long lost Maenad!!! What have you been up to? Tearing hapless travelers to shreds? Tormenting shellfish?

Gall: Awww, El, don’t cry, your tears are staining your beard...

Rud: Hey! ... Now didn’t I say you better behave yourself in here! ... Only certain Dwarven Pantomine actressess are allowed to rudely scratch themselves in public around here!

Tolman: Why, you could really get a crowd in here. And the elves - think of all the elves coming in to celebrate after the verdict. Rud, we could be overrun by glompimg, poking, huggling elves. Won’t that be fun?

Will Rudhelin over take Arwe?:

Kunzite - You mean that little thing with twelve meter lenght of wings,black and smelly with one meter snout sharp as mithrill blade and with raider in black cloack without head and crown floating over his shoulders?That’s nothing.Just our Isengard petbird and official scout.

ProtoGuy - Ah well, then sorry about that Sir Pigeon-Lizard. I shall endeavor to persevere and afford you the courtesy that your lineage demands. Pffft...

Pallador - Sorry, half my previous post is gone. Amarie very reluctantly wades out into the water. Brrr, this water is COLD! As are my words which were evidently blown away by some strange wind.

Ringspell - I’m not afraid of this mere puddle! I’ve got a 1-horsepower alterrain vehicle.

Magus Ian - *Turning Swiftwind about Ian and Zion now begin to follow the other Wizards as they move on. Looking over at Naia, Ian realizes it must be good not to have muscles to bruise on ones derriere. However, that doesn’t mean a fall doesn’t hurt all the same.*

Lanthir Lamath - Lanthir asks that Dumbo raise his ears_ so as to make a shield for her and to look as ferocious as he can

Esyle - *Spurs Qualosiel and charges with the group towards the rather dumb looking orcs. Caught by suprise, the orcs begin screaming and running about, running into

Arwe doesn't think so:

Wedgie - Would you look at that, you leave for a few days and get turned into a drink!

Starbreeze - *Starbreeze walks into the bar* Ouch, who left that there?

Rud - "Yum Big Valar Guy! ... You’ve outdone yourself this time! ... It appears my darling Miss Luthy has wasted no time as Yavanna training you right! ... but if you are out here in the restaurant and not in the kitchen ... I think she erred in the length of your chain"

Luya - btw...can anybody clear me what Eeny Meeny Miney Moe means? because it’s a deep doubt I’m carrying since...buff...a lot of time!I

PG -Bah! And Bah some more. *Peeg stalks back to the kitchen muttering to himself* ...slavedrivin maenads, think they’re so hot...grummble grumble...well...so what if they are...errr...doesn’t ....rrr......right to......

Bear - "Don’t feel too badly about it Hawk,
I had much the same reaction when I tried to explain "Achilles Heel"
to a bunch of Orcs who were only interested in it’s gastronomic value.

PG - Ah Rud ol boy, don’t worry, I had a heart to heart with Morme and assured him that you only have eyes for Luthy...Aaahh,MissLuthy... I’m just messin witcha. He said he wouldn’t peck your eyeballs out, just take a few swipes at yer liver.

Rud - Rud is slightly placated at Orome’s admission to just messing with him, but he’s not quite sure a few swipes at his liver sounds all that great over having his eyeballs pecked out.

Some fun with Wedgie:

El: Bump for Wedgie
Luth:el, i got to tell you, "bump for Wedgie" just doesn’t sound right. haha
Bearamir:Yes, it does give one an uncomfortable feeling way down deep in the their Orcish UnderRoos
El:Ooh... icky...
Bear:Decidedly, icky I’d say.

All hail Arwe, Queen of the Quotes:

Bearamir - I like that..."Where Intelligence and Madness Meet." Would make a really good Motto...What do you think? Shall I translate it into Latin?

Bearamir - Liberal Clothing Allowence: 1 Scarf, 1 Robe, 1 Cape, 1 Pointy Hat, and Boots. (Staff subject to availablitiy) Available in your choice of colors, as long as its: Brown, Gray, or Blue.

Bearamir - No matter where you live in Orthanc, you get a room with a view.

Le Bob - As Le Bob walks along the corridors of Orthanc, whistling the ’We all love Le Bob’ tune, he perceives a hole in the wall

Stall - *Jumps in front of the troll and cries: "Ha ha, your doom is nigh." Then jumps out of way and lets Le Bob show off his greatness.

Wedgie - *WG rides up to Orthanc in a large carriage made of tupperware with two horses in front.

Palamorn - Here you have, Bob! Nice dress, you seems a Barbie!

Le Bob - Really, it’s like a murky murk, but a little murkier than murky.

Le Bob - What will become of my global domination plans, and the downfall of Gondor, and Ma Ladle! Who will caress him, and powder his little bottom? Palamorn, I bid *thee* take care of Ma Ladle during my absence!

Palamorn - Bob: YOU’re underscribable!

El - *El dials WG* WG! Mister when I get out of here I am going to force feed you this hobbit!!

El -*bumpity bump bump, bumpity bump bump look at frosty gooo...*

Incanus - I’ll pay you ten dollars to pick this color as your favorite. Twenty dollars if necessary. Thirty is pushing it.

Gall - Why Fuchsia? Simple, because you are a girly wizard

Zion - well I’ve never heard of it before so when people go - oh my favourite colour is blue you can grin and go my favourite colour is Chartreuse. And they will be confused and you will look smart.

Luya - dear Tolman, you should choose withot any doubt the wonderful colour Chartreuse because...many reasons! first of all, it’s an incredibly beautiful word that i had never heard before, and only for knowing that you have culturized me, you should be proud of it and wear this colour as a flag until the world is destroyed...er...then too because is the real foofoo colour, because, really, can you expect foofooness to be fucsia?

Wedgie - picki-e-nosy, of course, I thought everyone new that word!

Luya - That’s toooooooo much difficult for me, master TOlman, crazy one!*zaps and pokes* mind if I...oh nvm, I’ll try something anyway, lol. Considering that i’m in a cyber crazily viciating my mind wtih plaza, you may excuse me is "sight" is not a word at all (it is? i can’t remember!).

Tolman - (No picketing, El)
El -*doesn’t object to the task, but pickets the repression of picketing*

Hoyamir - It has the uncanny ability to make anything (and I do mean anything) unattractive, making it a powerful weapon to use against enemies. And it’s just so much fun to say. Say it with me: Sharr - Troose! Sharr - Troose!

Hoyamir - The problem here is one of inflection. As you said: The answer is blowin’ in the wind. He’s already provided the answer - it’s "Blowin’ in the wind." It therefore remains to be determined what question was asked that received that answer. And, after long hours of study, I have found the appropriate question:
"What is the worst way to see Protoguy’s kilt (while he is wearing it)?"
I will pick kumquat - it’s just fun to say.
And now, if you will excuse me, I must go apologize profusely to PG.

Rud - *Groan!* Isn’t it obvious what the answer is that’s blowin in the wind? ... It’s some serious "butt-kissing" by Gall!

Xazirri - I was hoping that the answer was an answer to the question: for what does SRTAG stand? But I’m not lucky today.
The question that is answered in the wind, is: Who is the greatest Istari? and the Answer is Arwe To... No, i’m not a butt-kisser like Gall

Wedgie - The Answer is: Sneeze. Can you imagine how many sneezes are just floating around these days? Its disgusting

Wedgie - well now that you mention it, I kinda like the goat. Maybe I’ll keep him, but since he’s here why not use him? *Wedge takes his staff and bumps the goats bottom*

El - *drops mop and follows the rampaging billy goat* Could have swore this thread used to have a purpose...

PG - What ya got there? Some wizard lost his hat? Did you check to see if his head was still in it?

Aleluya - I would bring back some books about genetic clonation and some lab-stuff...because I always wanted Fëanor for me and I want to clon him, he is sooooo handsome! (yes: in my mind...do not ask either). Legolas? rubbish! nothing like my braveheart-fëanor...quite stubborn though but with a bit of zapping and poking he would be domesticated in a while. And his pointy ears are simply...so sexy!

Wedgie - Well the "Sarumanish" part of me says to take the largest battleship I can find and become the next lord of darkness, but the Wedgie part says to take a computer with me and let everyone try out the plaza. *imagines Gandalf and Bilbo trying to work these confounded things*

Maiarian Man - I won.. I WON. Something must really be wrong here, I never win *looks outside to make sure the moon isn’t hurtling down from the cosmos and amazingly finds it still where it last was.*

Compiled by Zion:

Wedgie - well now that you mention it, I kinda like the goat. Maybe I’ll keep him, but since he’s here why not use him? *Wedge takes his staff and bumps the goats bottom*

El - *drops mop and follows the rampaging billy goat* Could have swore this thread used to have a purpose...

PG - What ya got there? Some wizard lost his hat? Did you check to see if his head was still in it?

Aleluya - I would bring back some books about genetic clonation and some lab-stuff...because I always wanted Fëanor for me and I want to clon him, he is sooooo handsome! (yes: in my mind...do not ask either). Legolas? rubbish! nothing like my braveheart-fëanor...quite stubborn though but with a bit of zapping and poking he would be domesticated in a while. And his pointy ears are simply...so sexy!

Wedgie - Well the "Sarumanish" part of me says to take the largest battleship I can find and become the next lord of darkness, but the Wedgie part says to take a computer with me and let everyone try out the plaza. *imagines Gandalf and Bilbo trying to work these confounded things*

Maiarian Man - I won.. I WON. Something must really be wrong here, I never win *looks outside to make sure the moon isn’t hurtling down from the cosmos and amazingly finds it still where it last was.*

Mirluin Ererana found these:

Lorelei:Drunken wizards kept bumping into me, so I started sticking them inside big rubber balls and bouncing them around the room. I think I ended up inventing a new party game.

Eleni: There is some kind of evil genious running around and I hear he has a giant wedgie.

Arwe's a Quote God among wizards:

 

Stallomir - LE BOB LE BOB HE’S ARE WIZARD

IF YOUR NASTY HE’LL SLICE UP YOUR GIZZARD

Elwing - The only problem is I write my paper in English, and I haven’t yet figured out what Le_Bob speaks.

El - I think Le Bobish... just kidding, he’s Finnish. I love the way Le Bob speaks in Counicl, it can be very wise sounding and Middle Earth-ish.

Le Bob - Pray thy forgiveness, Elwing, no offence meant, ’gainst thee, that is. As for Mormegil; keepeth thy filthy paws of my beautiful bouteilles! Nothing more than a nice glass of apple juice for thee, and I wouldst holdst thy foul tongue about this inside information, lest thou shallt find thyself in my basement stuffed with blue reeking cheese.

Elwing - Morme, really! The White Tree Registry is a serious newspaper, not the National Enquirer. If I were to say those things about Le_Bob, then I’d have to tell about the time you climbed to the top of the tower, completely naked, and sung a serenade to Lady Gilraen by the light of the full moon, which she was not pleased with, though, every badger in Minas Tirith seems to have formed an unbreakable bond of affection for you.

Luthy - lol el sila. i know, it’s a terrible affliction i’ve got: cave trolls and bearded men with accents...let’s order mimosas and see if le bob will do anything to morme while he’s passed out. if not, then maybe we can.

Mormegil - mormegil raises himself slowly to his feet Good job I had a lifetimes training on Old Peculiar the strong ale. This vino just makes you feel whoozie. Well come on Princess take me home I think I’m going to <throws up>yep I was right ! sorry Le Bob I’ll send annie round tomorrow to clean up Morme and Elwing walk out the door.

Like what you see here? Want to indulge in a little more craziness?
Click HERE for page one!
Click HERE for page three!
Click HERE for page four!

Had enough? Ahhh we don't blame ya... Go on, RETURN TO NORMALITY!