Here they are! Some of the wackiest quotes to ever be collected in the wackiest place: The White Council! Typically known as home to some of Middle Earth's craziest inhabitants, is also home to some of the funniest visitors, which gives way to some of the the nuttiest conversations... you get my drift! Whether it be a judge with a rumbly tummy, a wizard with a master crayon drawing, a Vala with a hidden hobbit crime, a jealous wizard with a shrubbery fettish, or an Enigma with a philosophy on meditation- you can find that collection here!

Hold on to your pointy hats!

Compiled by Mirluin:

Grey Pilgrim: Ay up me duck! Um, I don’t mean to accuse you or anything, but... did you steal my sanity???

Forenz the Blue: They’re seems to be a plague of shivers arownd Orthanc lately. You can always tell if sumbody is infected becuase they spel words rong, but I’m postivite I havn’t coght anything though. I hope that not all the wizzies get infected, imagin trying to reed the Heren Istarion Elen with all those speling mistakz. That shoor wood send shivers down my spine.

Eltirme: Instead of red substance emitting from your enemy, there is a distinct, and ever satisfying, noise which signals the death of a dust mite.  I should say it falls in tone and timbre, between that of air being slowly let out of a balloon, and Wedgie’s reaction when seeing a mouse. 

Brynhild: My staff, Bob, is a very mellow hunk of timber.  Fastened together by none other than myself in the First Age, Bob was and is my close companion and friend.  Accompanying me on my journey to Middle Earth, he served me well through both hiking and battles.  Bob is constructed of lebethron wood, loved by the Gondorians for its sturdiness.  On the tip the wood wraps around a blue orb, and Bob tattooed himself down the side with a Tengwar inscription reading Heru Crunchywingy, the Quenya for "Master of Crunch." Bob loves to illuminate dark passages with his shiny orb thingy, and is a special study buddy whenever I choose to stay up late reading. 

El: Disclaimer: Sarumir is an evil wizard, she is tricksy and often makes it seem as if El is a willing accomplice, when of course we know that El is all things good and virtuous.

Taters: I shall have to fight in the name of honor, truth, justice and potatoes

 

 

Compiled by Glirion:

Istari25: What is the plaza wide drill precioussss?

Elwing: Preciousss? *Appears right before Istari25’s eyes* Do I look like I’m the One Ring?
No, indeed, Wizard. You may call me Elbereth....

Thurin: I know karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerouse words!

 

Found by Bingo:

Zelar: I am a potato chip hear me roar.

 

Found by Pretzel:

 

Sev: 'My favorite Tolkien bad guy would have to be Agent Smith. I mean Gollum.'

 
 

Compiled by Arwe, Queen of the Quotes:

 

Sauron - I shall rally the troops, Have no fear, but try and keep Mir away from my ring while I’m gone please El?
El Sila - I can try.... no guarantees... last time I meddled I spent a bit of time on the roof...

Phil - Ai! ai!  A Balrog!  A Balrog has come! 
Arwe - Looks friendly enough, though, for a Balrog. And Phil, stop saying ’Ai, Ai’.
Phil - Ai! ai! Aioouch!
*gets his hat slapped off his head*
Phil - *Philthrandir sees Arwe’s hopeless attempt at whistling, and seeing the chance to redeem himself after his lack of sleeve writing tricks, lets out the loudest Peter-Jackson-concocted-Gandalf-calling-shadowfax-whistle you ever heard, then eye’s Arwe with a satisfied smile on his face, and says only:*
Ai! ai!

Wedgie - "We do so have an empire!" Wedgie glares at the plump one. "I won’t have you saying otherwise. Imagine! All the marshmallows of the world, under your rulership! They will be safe from fire and flame! We can rule, our banners bearing the symbol of the Blue Iron Marshmallow of Doom upon an Anvil! We will have All Power!"

MM - And my Flattery getting me nowhere is further proof of my not using the ring to control this trial.

 

Wedgie - Wiggles pulls out some chalk and draws a line around the area, labeling it in both Wigglish and Common Tongue, Current Boundaries of the Land of Wedgia (Neep gi Widgine).

 

Phil - Something smells slightly fishy, but it might just be Gollum...

 

Ears - *overhears talk of a large mad spider, looks startled and leans across to whisper to Eithil*  "Do not talk about Winddancer like that! She’s got very good hearing ...

 

Pip - Pip scribbles notes furiously. As Gollum passes her by, she pulls a live fish from her pocket. The fish blinks in her face. She blinks back at it. They both blink at Gollum as the little creature is led out. Gollum turns and blinks at them both. He zooms in on the fish. About ten minutes after he was led out, Gollum reappears in the courtroom, wearing a bowler hat and trying to look inconspicuous.

 

Mirluin - *bang bang* I object! This witness smells worse than the first one!

 

El - *Shaking her head to clear it, El takes a moment to consider Mirluin’s arguments.... they are insane, but they make perfect sense... if that makes sense.

 

Phil - However, the charges of El-impersonation must stand.  The sins of one ruler are past on to the next. 

El -  *El’s jaw drops in disbelief as she hears Phil present his argument. Incredulously, she points to Mirluin*

The sins of one ruler are passed to the next? Think carefully about what you’ve just said my dear brand new Saruman....

Mirluin - Mirluin looks at Phil incredulously and then up at Elen Sila, then at Elenamir, then at Nuts, then back to Phil.

Then she does a jig. Right there in the courtroom.

"The sins of one Ruler are passed on to the next!  The sins of one Ruler are passed on to the next!"

Mir continues repeating this statement like a religious mantra. Obviously Phil had no idea the quantity of sins she had racked up as Saruman. "I am free! My sins are passed onto Philthrandir! WOOHOO!!!!!"

Ears - It was a day many shall long speak of, when the honourable Philthrandir took upon himself the sins of the tricksy Mir ...

 TyreniusMordan - Always more history. Never magic. A tower of wizards that don’t use magic.

Earane - She grinned ... she could play with jumpy folks ...

Trillian - Trillian watches Cam take off into the storm with a look of horror on her face.  Cam, NOOOOOOOOO, the storm, the rain, the effect it will have on your shoes!!!!! 

 

Arasfaen - The table lowered and she found a Little Wedgie cake in a clear wrapper.  **Mmm.  Twinklies.** 

 

Thalelenuial - Just you wait till I find someone to turn against you with my brown-nosed hissings, you'll be sorry!"

 

Arasfaen - The subsequent impact caused the table to topple, and the food tray to go skittering.  Now there were wizzies on the floor scrambling to get the goodies before the 30-second rule kicked in. 

 

Mirluin - "Hidy-ho! Watch out with those jelly rolls, you could poke your eye out!

Dume - Dume puts her arms out...Y.....folds them in hands down...M....Geeps this could catch on."

 

Trillian - The sound of YMCA running through her head, Trillian starts doing a little jig and singing.  It's fun to stay at the W H O B.  It's fun to stay at the W H O B-ee. 

Seeing that some of the others were looking at her funny, she shrugs.  What.  I think the wizateers would appreciate a little humor at a time like this.  It's not as if they are the most serious of Istar now are they. 

Wedgie - The wooden garden gnome, whose shirt had HERB written across it in capital, blue letters (for whom the garden was named) stood atop a large rock overlooking a fountain.

Not only does this infuriate Billy (no one likes a littergnome)

 

Found by Galai Nipholyta:

 

Trillian: "MWUAHAHAHAHAHA!  I AM THE GREAT COKE SPRAYER!  HEAR ME ROAR!  ALL WILL SEE ME AND BE DOUSED!"

 

 

Compiled by El:

 

Thal: Thal dances in and giggles. "I did it, I did it! It has been sent! It took me three hours..." a slight twitch develops in his left eye "...and a complicated system of colour coded acronyms, but by goshgiggling peahens above I did it! PIES! Which item did Thal find in the linen closet? Which Tilly did the boysenberry give under the sofa? LINEN CLOSETS! How many...how many peaches did the spare keys find? Where? In the...in the Wedgie. How many of Cam’s favourite gloves where in your strawberry-rhubarb box of cleaning supplies? In the... in the Pall’s grandfather’s Xaz? I’m not a pie-man! PHOTO ALBUMS! I think I need some pie..."

Wedgie's sig: Many are my names in many countries. Luincanar in the days of my youth to the West. In the South WG, and in the North Wedgie. To the East Weeg, though I don’t go there often.

 

<Gandalf Edit of Philthrandir's post: My pleasure, though I must  confess, I did chuckle a bit at your paranoia. >
Philthrandir to Elen Sila:  Where am I, what time is it, where are my pants!?!?
<Gandalf Edit: Wow, now there’s a question where you’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t...>
Arwe Thereyet: Have you two been out in the utility shed?  Stop stuttering and go ahead and try to answer that one, El.
 

Mo: * Hiking up his dressing gown, rubbing his eye and planting his feet in a pair of rather uncomfortable looking iron slippers, Morgorth was out the door and following the trail of Autumn leaves that followed his wife quite happily wherever she did go stopping only to disrobe and put on his armour. Before you could say Bumbling Bilbo Baggins, he was up, up and away following the sickly stench of life towards Isengaard. *

Arwe: She rushed from her room, and as she reached the corridor she heard a wail from a long unused part of the tower, then a haunting question -* What kinda Coke you got...

Hawk: *Hawk lets out a thunderous belch*  Hmmm... that didnt taste much like the past, oh wait nevermind *

Camino: And what’s that foul odor? Hasn’t smelled this bad the other times I came down here! It looks like PeeG has his boots on, so that can’t be it...

Luthy: I don’t suppose Peeg will scream again, will he?  It was kinda cute.

Palamorn (imitating Le Bob): "Zythepsary and zenzizenzizenzic! Dost thou fools believe that a simply door could lock me out!??"

Trillian: This color suggests power and authority, which you have in abundance.  *cringes at the brown-nose quality of that statement*

TheWhiteRider7: El/Mir - I'm sensing a bit of unhappiness coming from the courtroom... Also, if the two of you got together, you could make a great glue company.
Mirluin: Glue? Whats is this precious? What isssssss glue?
Philthrandir: Nya ha ha...El/Mir....Elmer...Elmer's Glue^TM...Kindergarten Breakfast of Champions...I got ya TWR. 

Geep:((OoC: not really relevant, but I had a dream last night that I started a food fight in here, then remembered the rule and tried to wash all traces of it away with a dishcloth ))
El: ((How do you wash dreams with a dishcloth? I’ve got one I’d like to have a go at...))
Phil: ((Did you figure out how to tephlon coat your dreams!?!?!  *snicker*))
Geep: ((Nooo, in the dream I washed the fruit stains! You had a big green one right on your hat, looked very fetching))

Phil: Manwe says I can push along a successful probation period by welcoming and embracing a more environmentalist-happy setting inside the walls.  The urge strikes hard now-and-then to install a more retro theme, all wheels and fire-pits, and what-not. 

Phil: Alright!  Alright!  Knock it off!  *shakes the silver paint from his robes as if it were dust*  No, this one isn’t my magic robe, it’s just coated with tephlon...  Something I’ve been working on. 

Geep: Months I’ve been coming here in my spare time, months! And not a soul! Now is the day the tree is due to fall in the Orchard with nobody around to hear it, and people are around to hear it! I can’t see if it will make a sound or not.
El: How could we have messed up your chances of finding out if a tree makes a sound when it falls and no one is around to hear? You still would have been here ducky, and you’re somebody. Unless of course you’ve been visiting with the Nazgul again...
Geep: I wouldn’t be there though, would I! That’s what the cans on the long piece of string are, it’s the latest in technology, you can hear sounds from a place without actually being there! I think it’s an advanced sort of magic.

 

 

Compiled by Nano2e:

 

Thal: "I AM ANGRY, AN ANGRY DOC AND I AM ANGRY AND YOU HAVE TO RUN AWAY AND HIDE BECAUSE I AM ANGRY!!!"

Dume: "Tilly he has a real loony with him, either that or someone has made him very angry. Everyone to the shelter, Thal will soon start erupting, Hurry everyone, into the safe room." 

 

Compiled by Zorro:

 

Mir's sig: Saruman the Wise and Proud; Returned to Middle Earth through the
Lets-See-What-The-Fool-Will-Do-This-Time-Probationary-Program of Manwe

Ironduke (on his own gracefulness):  *Hops onto the stage with all the elegance of a one legged hippopotamus*

 

Dug up by Nymphadora Tonks:

 

Severus: Sev enters the pub with an urgent expression on his face.

"Quick! I need sustenance! A Wedgieccino, please! What? I have to tell of a picture perfect moment before I can get one? Fine, fine. The obvious one is when I married Rusur - I’m not allowed to tell obvious ones? you guys are waaaaay to hard! Fine, then. I guess my picturest perfect moment was when I triumphed over the flamingos on my way to the Olympics in Rivendell. I mean, how many people do you know of who have triumphed over wizard-eating flamingos? What do you mean, not many! Of course not many! Who else do you know besides me who has done it -" Sev is cut off short as people begin looking at him strangely.

"Ah, yes, to get back to the point. I need a Wedgieccino to strengthen myself before I go out on a quest. I made the quest up myself you know. It’s called the Long and Dangerous Search for the Lost Diaries of Orthanc. They seem to have lost themselves back a coupla pages..."

 

Compiled by Thal:

 

Thal: "Well Monikins, you are really asking me two questions there, the stories attached being equally boring as they are long.
The first takes me back to when I was just a youngster. Times were hard then, I tell ';ee, when Pa would bring back a freshly caught sack of limpets to the family shoe box every night at thirty seven minutes past twelve, freshly stolen from Mr McHobnob next door. He were a nasty piece of work, you know, once when I were a wee whelp I was playing tiddly-winks with an old jelly mould what Ma got me for Pancake Day. She had to stand outside the shop for days to get it, but at last someone else bought one and she managed to nab it from them. Shops were too good for us, y';see, we had to pinch everything even our own DNA. Not that we were aware of what DNA were, knowledge was too hard to come by in those days. Anyway, I was going for gold at tiddly-winks, though actually aluminium as precious metals were too expensive then. Even aluminium was only on special occasions. I got a bit worked up though and sent the thing sailing over his wall by mistake. Landed right in the middle of his beloved turkey patch and struck his prized bird stone-dead. He comes a-shouting and a-wailing and batters at our door demanding to talk to us. He knew it were me from the moment he set his eye on me, which was made of crystalised horse-hair fibres. He lost his left eye to a frisky limpet, was a turkey and limpet farmer y';see, and traded his wife in for that eye at one o';them old Trade-Your-Wife-for-an-Eye emporiums.
The second reminds of a time when I was serving in the Big-War-that-Old-People-Like-to-Refer-to. My best friend was there with me, a young Hobbit lad by the name of Betty. His parents eyes weren';t very good y';see, victims of the great Athletes Foot outbreak of ';87 and a quarter. Anyways, he says to me one day while we was a-peeling onions for the morning bagel rounds, he says "Hey there, Turnip [which were the nickname they gave me then, referring to my swimming skills. As I say, knowledge was hard to come by, especially that of a biological nature as there were a distinct lack of it back then] when do you suppose breakfast';ll be ready?" And I a-sat there, and I a-thought to myself, ain';t we just had breakfast? And so I learned a lot from that day, the most important thing being that most people are idiots and very stupid. It turned out later that he was actually crazy, but a lot of people are crazy too, especialy people with hairy feet. From that conclusion I went on to prove it via science and became a leading entrepeneur in the scientific art of hairy-feet studies.
Which should provide you with the answer you were looking for, m';dear, namely, the fourteenth of August."

Dume: " A cup of tea would be lovely El, oh I say Boss, don';t go too near the walls, they have ears y';know, hairy ears, yuk."

Peeg: I';m not even going to go into the times I seem to become a man named Maximus Crowe or Russel Dessimus Meridius or some variation. Sometimes the two blur and I am Peegimus.

Palamorn: He knows he has one of Geeperwine';s giant mini-umbrella in his backpack and that he could use it as parachute…

Mon: Mon led the little brain by the hand back down the stairs, along the corridor and and down more stairs before leading it into the robe shop where she knew they would not be disturbed while they tried to sort out the little brains predicament.

Tilly: Why think of the famous Isengard Jones!  He was deathly afraid snakes, and well, snakes are almost worms. 

Geeps: My answers are on their way! I packed them plenty of extra coookies and spare pairs of underpants for the journey!
(sorry, you shouldn';t allow me to post at 3am LOL)

Geeps: Please note: The HIE Editors will not be held responsible for mental health deterioration during reporting, nor will they pay the medical bills. However, you may receive a bunch of grapes because we are nice editors.

El's siggy: Mo is a big smelly booger.

Mo's retaliation:  Elen - Definition - Star.
Star -Definition - Peice of rock nobody wants, so they set fire to it.

Dume: Dume picks up the mini Uruk by the scruff of it's dirty little neck and looks straight into it's eyes. " I never got you a prezzie Tarquin, cos I never knew about you, so I guess I'll just have to taste you hope that settles it."
Dume gives everyone their I love New Gondor Tshirts.
" Thal, if it ever bites me again, I'll swallow it whole."

" Balrogue, you are very lucky that I'm in a good mood." Dume drags the silly little Warg Rider back to her desk by the ears. " Try this on for size." The receptionista who does not like being pushed around or having her actions thought out for her wraps Balrogue in the ever so outlandishly top of the range white jacket.
" You ever burst into Doc Thal's office like that again and the only Warg you'll ever ride is one in Orthanc Fairground, Cheeky little Blighter, why I could....ahhh never mind, any more trouble from you before you see Doc Thal and you'll soon find out, especially from my mucho macho brother who by the way is Doc Thal.... Mhuahaha"

 

Found by Tilly:

 

Thal:
THREAD CLOSED

All further posts will be shackled with a butterfly net and frog-marched off to the nether regions of some farway place so farway that it has no name to be a sentinel in the hunt for Pal’s brain. Though if it is quite good we might give it a horn to blow incase of emergencies.

 

 

Compiled by TWR7

 

Elenamir: "An owl flies in, dropping a letter on the floor..."
TWR: "An owl flies in, dropping TWR onto the floor..."

Arlo's siggy: Eyebrows of Doom (TM)

Palamorn: "The prize is obviously membership to the Order of the Lekter... The membership will allow you... to receive the monthly newsletter, 'Cooking with Hannibal'."
 

Sere explains why she switched her name to "Cheregon" and back."
Arlo: *whispers* She didn’t like the "faceliftandnose,ear&chincorrection"-reputation.
Sere: Look who’s talking Eyebrow Implants! *wonders if there is such a thing*

 

 

Found by Elenamir

 

Phil:*Stalks through the room with a sinister smirk on his face, putting each sleeping wizard’s fingertips in a warm cup of water, then locks the bathroom door, and bides his time waiting patiently for chaos to ensue.*

Dug up by Trillian

 

Mirluin Ererana: A weapon? You mean besides my clever mind and practiced tongue? I have a knife. It is called the Special SaruMir Knife. It is excellent for cutting meats and dramatically impaling ransom notes to pub doors. 

 

 

 

Like what you see here? Want to indulge in a little more craziness?
Click HERE for page one!
Click HERE for page two!
Click HERE for page four!

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