This is a report of my disturbing finding from a recent border patrol with a company of orcs.The patrol left the guard tower three mornings ago on a routine border patrol. For some reason Sauron made us go via Shelob's lair and we had some difficulty getting past the sly old devil; she managed to devour two of my orcs but the rest of the lads (veterans of the Benny hill patrol) made it through unscathed.

The patrol then headed with all haste towards the northern borders of Mordor. After many hours of hard marching we set up camp and took in some food. I posted the regulation guards and the next few hours went by without incident outside of one the younger orcs having a somewhat questionable dream about an elf. (He has been suitably punished the dirty little scally). Following this brief rest I gathered the company and continued on the march. There was no sign of trespass or enemy and we had a good head of steam going when we came across a bizarre sight, it was a very tall brown and yellow creature with huge hanging ears and his tongue hanging out of his mouth. As soon as he saw us he legged like there was no tomorrow (they would not have been if he was not so quick). We pursued this strange creature but could not catch up with him and soon lost sight of him. Luckily, for he is a heavy-footed so-and-so, he left a great trail for us to follow. I force-marched the men until noon and then we took cover for a few hours to allow the sun to pass over.

Finally, after following the trail of this hideous creature, we arrived at the foot of Ered Lithui. There we found the trail of the creature leading into a huge pool. Unsure of what to do next, I set up camp while I pondered my next move.

Suddenly the creature reappeared from the pool. My boys moved like lighting and dragged the creature over to me; he was frightened almost to death and I could hardly understand this highly annoying and useless creature. The only piece of information I could glean is his name, one JAR JAR BINKS, and that he claims there is an underground city in the pool full of these vile creatures.

I came back to the tower straight away with the prisoner and he is awaiting your interrogation.

Filed by Uruloki, Wainrider.