William Blake: Satan in his Original Glory
Thou Wast Perfect till Iniquity was Found in Thee  c.1805
General Collection, Tate Britain

The Quantum Uncertainty Balrog is one of the most fearsome and feared servants of Mordor. It tends to lurk in the deepest depths of the earth, as it suffers from a terrible uncertainty complex about whether or not it has wings. Whilst unseen by others, and following basic uncertainty principles, it both has and does not have wings and thus moves in a strange bouncing motion, as it alternately takes flight and finds that that flight becomes impossible.

Woe betide the foolhardy one who resolves the duality by disturbing and observing the Balrog. Even more malevolent than a cat shut in a box, the Balrog at once becomes a creature of fire and fury - winged or unwinged - and will attack anything it can see. Tales have emerged of one who survived an attack by the Quantum Balrog, a Maia known by the rather shady pseudonym "Gandalf", who noted his deed for posterity by recounting it at great length to all listeners after a few ales in "The Orc's Kneecap". Coming across an unwinged Balrog, and finding that its power almost matched his own, he quickly yelled at it to "fly, you fool!" This caused the Balrog to believe for an instant that it was winged, and in the confusion between the two states it panicked and fled rather than continuing the attack.

Handed in on watermarked vellum by pea-green emissary of Osse