Being the poisonous land that it is, Mordor is ideal for all kinds of snakes. These have been extensively researched and categorised over years (by me) and now a report of Mordor’s serpentine inhabitants can be presented.

The first main category of Mordorian snakes is the genus Mathematicis Functinis and is split further into four subcategories.

i) Adders - These are easily recognisable by the black cross-shaped markings on their heads. The rest of them is red. They blend in easily with lava terrain. Do not step on one or they will bite. Their bite, far from being deadly, causes a snake-shaped tumour to grow from the bite wound. This acts like another snake, and will thrash around of its own accord forevermore. An adder bite will therefore cause acute embarrasement and perhaps problems with footwear for the rest of a victim’s life.

ii) Subtractors - These are shorter, fatter snakes. Bizarrely, they cannot bend themselves, and so cannot move except by rolling in the hot air currents from the slopes of Oroduin where they are usually found. It is not uncommon for a subtractor to be found leagues away from the mountain, because when the volcano erupts, they can be flung upwards and outwards, landing in the most undesirable places. An outhouse, for example. Being a muddy brown colour, they are not noticed until it is too late. The bite of a subtractor causes a victim’s body parts to drop off at the steady and inevitable rate of one a day. Many such victims are left helpless in the wastelands, and are dispatched by waiting scavengers.

iii) Multipliers - These are small, like worms, and serve no other purpose than as bait for luring unwary birds into roasting pots. They are named just so because they reproduce at an amazing rate, making them an economical investment for bait-sellers.

iv) Dividers - You have probably seen these before and not realised what they were. They are used to mark pathways and even main roads. Their front looks the same as their back end, and all over they are either a chalky white or luminescent yellow. They come in varied lengths, and are naturally very flat. They never move, in fact I could not tell whether they were alive or dead when I inspected one.

By Seralqua