CHAPTER I: DOL GULDUR

Well, I’ve finally gotten a visible shape, after being on the waiting list for 1000 years.
Damn those Easterlings and their slow service.  Of course, I’m not a stud in this form.
Seems, every since I got sucked into a Numenorean toilet I haven’t looked the same.But 
now I’ve gotten this Necromancer form.
So, I’ve decided to move away. The realtor, Al-Sa-Farrisa, has gotten me a good deal.  
He found me a nice mansion in Greenwood the Great called Dol Guldur.

This place is okay, I guess.
I’ve decided to rename it Annatar’s Shack ’O Love.  It has a master bedroom, 3 bathrooms, 
and a pool.  As a bachelor, I think I will go to find a nice Wood Elf to hook up with.

Today, my neighbors threw a welcoming party.  They are annoying, partly for the fact that 
they are spiders. I never liked spiders, they give me the creeps.
I recieved many muffin baskets, but no lembas.  
I haven’t had some good lembas in ages.  There was a good bakery in Taur-nu-Fuin that 
sold the best lembas ever. 

The next morning, I decided to go out crusing for chicks in my new Model 60 Uruloke.  
Eventually, I came up to this elf guy making out with his girlfriend.  They ran at my 
presence.  This form is going to be difficult.  I went to the Silvan Elf Mall next.  
I tried to put myself out there.  The elf maidens just walked 
by me.  Then this hot elf chick walking out of the VOID noticed me.  We made eyes at each 
other.  I walked up to her and introduced myself.  "Hey", I said, shaking hands, "I am 
Annatar, Lord of Gifts".  First impressions always make a difference.  Nobody has to 
know that everybody used to call me Sauron.  They teased me mercilessly. 

We went out to eat at the mall.  We have started going steady now.  
People have been staying away from my house, though.  After 500 years of being together, 
she broke up with me. Apparently, it was just too hard.  I don’t get women. 
I summoned my old friend, Joe, to come over and talk.  He arrived invisible. 
I gave him some robes, and I had a beer with him.  We talked about old troubles. 
Joe told me that he was going to get his friends together and go start a Witch-Realm 
in the North.  Hopefully to defeat Arnor. I encourgaged this, because I always hated 
the Numenoreans...


CHAPTER II: THE MAN IN GREY

I guess I don’t get news anymore. It’s not like I have a Palantir at Dol Guldur. 
I wish I had one. Then I could peek through Galadriel’s bedroom. But I don’t know 
where she is these days.

So, now, its been a while since Joe stopped by. Things have been boring lately. But then, 
Joe came by again. He looked happy, despite the fact that he was invisible. He told me 
some good news. "Hey, old buddy", he said, "Me and my chums succeeded with that whole 
Angmar idea. The realm of Arnor has been lost. But those Elves attacked us, and it sent 
us packing. But then we decided, hey, lets attack Gondor. That Minas Ithil really 
bothered me. So we snuck up into the tower at night and dragged everyone outside naked 
and beat them with rudimentary clubs made of potatos inside socks."

"Then, the tower was ours, and put all our stuff in. Now, I decided to challenge the 
King of Gondor, Earnur, to a duel. I taunted him with jokes such as ’Yo’ mama is so 
fat she sat down on the Iron Mountains and knocked them down’. He accepted the challenge, 
but then my friends jumped him on the way to Minas Ithil. We hogtied him, took a crap 
on him, locked him into the basement and forced him to watch Gorbag do a strip dance. 
The agony of the latter killed him. Also, we got a Palantir from Minas Ithil, so we 
figured we will just keep it there for now".

I replied, "This is great news indeed. This calls for a party." So, we had a real wild 
party. All of the Nazgul were there, along with many slutty she-orcs. I woke up the next 
morning with a huge hangover.

Early in the morning, some old man knocked on the door. I saw that he was dressed in grey. 
Then it came to me. I hadn’t paid the gas bill in 300 years. I knew that I had to leave 
this place. I escaped out the back door. I guess I shall go back east, sigh. Back to 
those Easterlings.


Written by Flame of Udun