This is were we store our current and future plans for war. When they are executed, they go to the Strategy Archives. Our current plans are to attack the elves with half the E.F.O.M flying on their dragons and the other half coming from underground. We will torture them until they surrender and flee. We do not have any other plans yet

1) The Battle of Belfalas
In this great battle of M.O.M, the warriors of the black land landed at the bay of Belfalas in all their majesty and assailed Dol Amroth . Great force came out of Minas Anor to aid the petty defenders. Elwing, princess of Ithillien, took her alias of "starspay" to her advantage and sprayed it all over the brave Mordorians. Idril, who was a balrog at the time, took the giant O in which the Starspray was contained an put it on her finger, eliminating that threat. But an even worse catastrophe came upon us when the Queen of Gondor poured HOT chocolate over the minions, and in that desperate hour, I invented the Arwen eating uruks to chase her away before she pured more. Later in the battle, Mormegil, King of Gondor, was about to kill our glorious ruler Indur when I bred the Aragorn eating uruks to chase him away. Arwen(the mordorian) did not have any weapons so I gave her my morgul-blade and Protoguy AKA Oromë the great, gave her the cheese doodle of the Valar, which she later gave to Indur. But Gondor managed to win in the end

Made by Indûr Dawndeath and nobody

2) Conquest of Forodwaith Proceeding at Glacial Pace
In a desperate effort to open a victorious front in their hopeless campaign against the forces of Mordor, the deluded strategists of the Free Peoples, hatching their seditious plots ever at a safe distance, have proclaimed the liberation of the Northern Waste. While this accusation of such an invasion - an invasion made by the West without provocation from our Dark Lord - is met with feigned ignorance in the ramshackle shantytowns which pass for capitals among the rebel hierarchy (i.e. Minas Tirith, Rivendell, etc...) recent military dispatches suggest that their bemused indifference is due to an ephemeral victory.

The frozen wasteland of Forodwaith, a region of no strategic significance, is nevertheless held by a Mordor military mission in an effort to show The Eye. While an early Spring thaw proved unexpectedly fortuitous for the rabble of the West, which they irreverently dubbed Operation Here’s Mud in Your Eye, a successful rearguard action by our glorious forces stabilized the front with minimal casualties, then regained the territory previously lost. The units involved were rewarded with one of the highest commendations: a serenade by the Barad-Dur glee club, The Mouths of Sauron.

written by Slave 2 the 1 Ring, Mordoreporter-in-Chief for Angmar Press (AP)

3) The "Benny Hill" Patrol
I led a small scouting party of six Moria orcs through a remote section of Mirkwood, looking for signs of elf expansion and activity.

We suddenly emerged from the dark woods into a wide clearing containing a small hill - possibly an ancient barrow. Light streamed down and blinded my orcs for a moment, but the lads are well trained and bred to withstand sunlight.

I slowly looked around, dividing the orcs into two groups to check this suspicious-looking place. There was a strange tension in the air and the orcs became very uneasy. I was having some trouble keeping them under control when out of nowhere a group of bikini-clad shieldmaidens ran into the clearing, chased by Aragorn himself... I am ALMOST sure it was him but if it was, he had put a lot of weight on and had swapped his kingly robes for a funny-looking teatowel.

Aragorn (or Benny as the men called him in the Black Speech) proceded to chase the women up and down the hill and around the trees. An unearthly but frenzied music seemed to chime in the air. I was fearful of elven enchantment. The orcs found the sight funny for all of two minutes, then they got their house in order and hid behind trees and waited for their chance to attack. Unfortunately, due to some curious charm at work in that accursed wood, the strange group started to run at a frantic speed - legs twinkling and arms flying in a manner I never thought possible for mortals to achieve. We could neither ambush nor catch them.

The giggling shieldmaidens vanished into the gloom. "Aragorn" ran straight into us while pursuing them. Turning tail, he fled in panic. My boys gave chase but I am sorry to say that they lost him due to the orcish tears of laughter filling their eyes. I have put them all on a charge, and they shall regret their indulgence in low comedy antics for some years to come.

Nevertheless I think it is safe to say we can rest easy from our anxieties concerning any threat to our Mirkwood outposts from the forces of Gondor.

Told to Angmar by Uruloki, Wainrider on secondment to Northern Forces.