Eowyn's Diary
by Elfwine

Day 2: Dear Diary, creepy Grima is advisor of uncle. Wonder what he advises about. Cannot be good. Uncle nearly walks like a dog.
Discovered Grima following me. Is obvious, as am prettiest woman in Meduseld. Would never date Wormtongue though.
1: Guy is not king
2: Guy is ugly
3: Guy is pathetic
Would rather date Shadowfax

Day 3: Dear Diary, cousin Theodred is dead! Too bad, was nice guy. Nasty Orcs killed him. Grrr, wanna fight Orcs. Am not allowed to go. Men say I’m woman and woman needs protection.
Sick of hearing I need protection. Am only woman in LOTR who can kick ass.

Day 4: Dear diary, poor brother Eomer put into prison. Disobeyed uncle’s orders. Could have told brother from the start that would happen. Uncle may seem like a child, but can still look pretty scary and nasty when mad.
Wonder what Eomer is up to now. Probably digging hole in the ground with spoon. Everyone does that in Meduseld dungeons. Should see the floor, is now full of holes.

Day 5: Dear Diary, most exciting thing has happened. Four guests arrived in Meduseld. Came to talk to uncle. One of them claimed to be Gandalf the White, resurrected Gandalf ‘Stormcrow’ the Grey. Must say kind of looks like Stormcrow. Wonder if they’re family. Must ask Eomer. But old guy is not interesting.
Am not interested in Dwarf and Elf either. Dwarf is too short and hairy and Elf looks prettier than me. Cannot allow that. Is their human companion who’s interesting. Is said to be Aragorn of Many Names!!! Ok, guy looks scruffy and smells, but he’s going to be King! Am suddenly feeling lots for still not king guy. Wanna be queen!
Uncle looks better now. Wonder what happened. Maybe went to plastic surgeon. Is way improvement. Got to touch Aragorn’s hand!! Happened while offering him drink. Was so exciting I was trembling. Hope he doesn’t think me silly.
Grrr, army is leaving to Helm’s Deep for fight with Orcs. Wanna go too!!
Am not going. Uncle says I need to stay behind to watch over people. Not nice!! Wanna fight! Grr, Men!!!

Day 6: Dear Diary, was left behind in Edoras. Is very boring. Nothing to do here.

Day 7: Still nothing to do here. Still want to fight.

Day 8: Been standing out in front of Meduseld today, looking pretty. No news. Still want to fight.

Day 9: Am leaving to Dunharrow, refuge in mountains. Probably be boring there too. Still want to fight.

Day 10: Yep, be boring at Dunharrow. Was so bored started counting mountain tops. Have started again for 100 time. Still want to fight.

Day 11: Aragorn and kinsmen have come to Dunharrow. So happy they bring me news. With them are sons of one Elrond. Elrond who? Oh well, not interesting. Sons are hot, but Aragorn way hotter. Probably because he’s going to be king. Found out Aragorn is going to Paths of Dead. Is guy nuts? No one goes there and comes back to living. Guy has a deathwish. Tried to talk him out of it, but he would not listen. Men!! Said if he chose he’d be in valley in north. Wonder what that means. Doesn’t sound good.
Want to go with him. Still want to fight. He talked me out of it. Don’t like it. Need no protection. Still want to fight.
Said goodbye to him. Is not fair!! Why always me? Don’t want to be left behind. Still want to fight!!

Day 12: Uncle and brother arrived in Dunharrow. Am glad to see them. Brought funny little fellow along. Is said to be Hobbit. Red Arrow was brought to uncle. Know what that means. Minas Tirith needs help. Got to dress Hobbit up for war. Little guy wants to stay with uncle. Me too! Want to fight!
Have got an idea. If cannot go to war as woman, will go to war as man! Unfortunately cannot be turned into man with plastic surgery, cuz that is not invented in Middle Earth. So will just dress up. Want to fight!! Want to die as warrior!!

Day 13: Offered Hobbit to ride with me on Windfola. Little guy didn’t recognize me! Go me!! Told him name was Dernhelm. Spoke my famous words: When there’s a will, then there’s a way.

Day 14: Been riding all day. Ass hurts. Riding is not good for one’s ass. Hobbit is not burden. Is way too light. Almost seems as if he ain’t there. Am riding close to uncle. Am finally going to fight!

Day 15: Was surprised today, heard uncle sing. Didn’t know uncle could sing like Elvis. Don’t know what came over him, but suddenly has great strength. Praised be Bema!!

Day 16: Was fighting on Pelennor Fields. Nasty creature came flying towards uncle. Snowmane and uncle fell! Nasty thing on nasty flying beast, is said to be Nazgul, came to uncle to kill him. Could not allow that to happen! Nazgul king laughed and said to man could kill him.
Was not impressed and gave Nazgul ‘the look’. Revealed myself to be woman and said that I was not man, but woman. That I was Eowyn and that he would not get to my king. Killed nasty flying beast. Fought bravely with Witchking, but guy was too strong. Knocked me shield off my arm and his breath was so nasty.
Then suddenly Witchking fell. Killed him. Have finally fought. Oh oh, everything’s turning black in front of eyes now. Good, probably am dying.

Day 17: Dear diary, everything still black before my eyes. Am unconscious. Stupid voices telling me nasty things.
Am being called back. Is Aragorn’s voice! And Eomer too! Eomer still alive!! But do not feel well. Wish I was dead. Don’t want to be here, seeing Aragorn like that.

Day 18: Dear Diary, am in Houses of Healing. Not very nice. Have to lay still every day, while I feel better. Want to do things, want to walk around. Still want to fight.
Army left for Mordor. Was brought to Faramir, is apparently new Steward of Gondor. Was very nice and gentle. Allowed me to walk in garden and to have a window on the east.

Day 19: Dear diary, spending more time with Faramir. Guy is not like other men I know. But guy has nasty habit to speak in riddles. Told him to be straight with me. Guy shows me pity. Don’t want any pity.
Apparently inescapable darkness is ahead. Didn’t like that and snuggled closely to Faramir. Guy gave me kiss on brow. Was very nice. Now am confused. Don’t know what to do. Have lost desire to fight.
Faramir says he loves me. Think I love him too. Do not want to be queen no more and am waiting here for brother with Faramir.

Day 20: Am glad to see army back so well. Sauron defeated. Saw more of them Hobbits. Pretty strange. Apparently one of them carried One Ring and destroyed it in Mordor. One Ring? What one Ring? What did I miss? Aragorn be King now. Am happy for him.

Day 21: Went to Rohan with brother to help him arrange things, since he is now King of Rohan. Is cool.

Day 22: Returned to Minas Tirith. Now seen what Aragorn meant with words his hear lay in valley up north. There lived Arwen Evenstar. Is apparently daughter of Elrond. Don’t care about it no more.

Day 23: Returned to Rohan. Faramir came with me. Yay!! Buried uncle in burial mound. Was great funeral and had great party in Meduseld. Am to be married to Faramir and announced it there. Means new bonding between Gondor and Rohan. Am so happy now!! Go me!!