From the Plaza Archives

The One Ring on an Ankle Bracelet?

For your entertainment, here’s a highly edited transcript of one of the funniest threads on the plaza, begun by our very own slightly insane Ruler, Eohdwyn.  Enjoy!

Eohdwyn

Hmm, I was thinking the other day about how they should have put the one ring on a bracelet round his wrist, that way, it would be harder to put in the ring. just think about it a little. . . but then I thought: what would happen if he wore it on an ankle bracelet? and I got the funniest picture of Frodo at Weathertop:

*Frodo, frightened, hops on one foot and slips the ring over his finger. He’s hopping about, trying to keep his balance, and the Nazgul, stunned for a moment, merely stare at him as he hops about in the shadow world. Then he trips and falls, and rolls backwards down Weathertop! All the other hobbits see is Frodo vanish, then a thud, and a path down Weathertop through the heather that looks rather like the imprint of a hobbit rolling . . . and they hear ouch! And ow! And oof! Coming from that direction. Meanwhile, the Nazgul are staring at Frodo as he rolls down Weathertop, his finger in the ring attached to his ankle. And they get the strangest feeling . . . and they begin to laugh!  (Can you imagine Nazgul laughing? scary thought)

Does anyone else find that remotely funny? 

Lirulin

LOL! That would be a funny sight....

*at the Council of Elrond*

"Frodo, bring forth the Ring!"

*Frodo nods, stands up, reaches down to get the Ring off and trying not to slip it on in the process. He tugs and tugs and---Suddenly with a muffled curse, the hobbit disappears. A loud thud is heard, along with a cry of "Ow!" from somewhere near the ground.*

*Elrond rubs his temples with two fingers and sighs*

Eohdwyn

 heehee! That was very funny! And he could hide the ring in the hair on his feet, so no one would see it!

And at the Prancing Pony, he could leap up in the air and it slip on his finger, and then he has to try to roll over to the corner, hand on his ankle!

Guy:"what am I sthtepping on? *hic!* I don’t shee noshing dere . . . "

Frodo: ow! get offa me! 

Guy: thish ish too mucsh! *hiccup!* I’m never drinking again . . *hic!*

Protoguy

oy must ’ave drunk too many points. *hic*

Huan

lol nice.....

what about at Mount Doom...with Frodo trying to get t off while not falling into the mountain or Gollum on his hands and feet trying to get it off...

Banazir

I’m banning the Golden Perch from all of you, ya weirdos.   

Eohdwyn

ohhhh!  and Gollum chews off Frodo’s foot to get the ring -- and therefore it’s Frodo the one-footed! (okay, that’s gross! blegh. I can’t believe I thought of that! )

Sare

It would be like a huge ball and chain thing, like they used to use on prisoners, very heavy and cumbersome.

*at the mirror of Galadriel*

Galadriel: Frodo! Quit dunking your dirty, hairy foot into my nice clean mirror! Now the waters all muddy and disgusting!

Frodo: *hopping on one foot* I can’t help it! It’s drawing my foot to the water....

*and near Mount Doom*

Samwise: Master, master! Why are you dragging your feet? We need to get there within the next century, you know. 

Eohdwyn

 heehee!   And how about when Sam meets the orc on the stair in Minas Morgul, and the orc is frightened by the menace of the ring? Well, if he had it around his ankle Sam would have to shake he leg at the orc! Like he was doing the hokie-pokie!    Sam:Ya put your left foot in, ya put your left foot out, ya put your left foot in, and ya shake it all about . .   Orc: Nooooo! *flees*   Okay, this is ridiculous!  

Lorelei

oh no!  The ring would have gotten hidden by Frodo’s foot fur.  Foot fur!  lol!

Anyway, you people are all crazy!  but so am I.

Sare

.....and thus manages to loosen the ring from the chain, so Boromir gets is hands on it after all! Hee hee, just thinking of that makes me laugh. How putting the one ring on an ankle bracelet changed middle earth history............

Littledude87

Sam would have had to carry Frodo’s body all after Shelob so he could throw the ring into the Cracks of Doom. 

Eohdwyn

LOL! "Sorry master Frodo, hate having to throw you into the Cracks of Doom, but gotta destroy the ring, yaknow?"    Foot-fur! *bursts out laughing. calms herself.* Ahem. right where was I? Oh yeah, . . . foot-fur! Oh, gotta brush my foot-fur! oh, no, you caught my foot-fur on fire!   

Huan

mmm funny....what about when the chain gets caught in the fur....ouch!!!! You can see frodo screaming in pain driving shelob back..and her muttering well You don’ have to scream . . .

Eohdwyn

 You people are insane . . .   I don’t know what I started here. . . I’ve created a monster! LOL!

Huan

You certainly have Eowyn..... I say stop it before it turns into complete insanity.......... btw I think I soured it!! on purpose!!

Eohdwyn

   It’s not completely insane already? How far is completely insane? *decides to keep going til she hit completely insane*

Sare

Just one more though- what about when Gollum bites off Frodo’s finger? At Mount Doom Gollum would have to bite off his foot instead!

Gollum: Wretchessss! What do thesessse nasssssty hobbitssssess put their nassssty feetsessss in?

Frodo: Hey! It looked like dirt when I stepped in it, ok?

Which brings up an interesting point.....what about the one ring as a toe ring?

Eohdwyn

A toe ring?? ROFL! Can you imagine Frodo, hopping along, trying to stick the ring on his toe as he is being pursued by the Nazgul?   I don’t know, I think a toe-ring is too undignified for Sauron.  And then Isildur would have to cut off his foot. . .

Join the one-*fill in the blank* club! How did you loose you foot/hand/ear the list goes on . . ?

Sauron: *grumbles* my foot got cut off by this twerp with a broken sword. . .

Beren: My hand got bitten off by a wolf. . .

Frodo: *stammering* well . . .

Leader: Yes? Speak out. even if it is embarrassing. . .

Frodo: *mumbling* My foot got bitten off by Gollum. . .

*all is silent, then there is a loud chorus of "Ewwwwwwwwww"*

Tin Lizzie

Ohhhhhhhhhh! That is sooo funny! I like the one-fill-in-in-the-blankclub!

And back to Weathertop-when Frodo puts on the ring he’s hopping around on one foot trying to run away from the Nazgul and the WitchKing taps him on the shoulder-*Frodo turns around and trys to draw his sword*"Ahhhhhhhhh!" *and he falls down the hill*the WitchKing just looks at him for a minute and then rolls over laughing*All Aragorn and Co. see is the WitchKing’s cloak rolling in the ground"What has Frodo done to him?!"Merry asks"I don’t know but I believe the WitchKing is laughing!"Aragorn says in astonishment and they all turn when they hear Frodo’s muffled voice down the hill saying"Could someone help me up please!?"

Tin Lizzie

Oh! And would it be a pretty beaded chain? I mean if you’re going to be modern enough to have an ankle bracelet you might as well go all the way and have it decorated with beads or something, mabye it should say "Frodo" or "Ringbearer and proud of it" or have little ring of fire beads.

Steve

Wot if it was in the ankle-bracelet when Sauron wore it? I can see it all now:

"THe dreaded Lord Sauron stands tall over the body of Isildurs fater, and with a mighty yell Isildur severs that which the Dark Lord holds most dear - his One Ring/Ankle-Thing bearing foot!

The Dark Lord screams in pain, and loss - for without his foot - he is nothing"

Engwaduriel

How about the one ring as an earring? <thinks she’s REALLY sick now> <feels forehead>

Sam: Mr. Frodo, sir, I’ve never seen a decent man-hobbit with a thing like that before!

Frodo: Well, Sam, Gandalf insisted.

Sam: But sir, you look like Rosie-er-a-girl!

Frodo: <grumbles> <tugs on ear> Yes, I know, Sam.

Sam: But why, sir? Pardon me asking, but why’d you have to wear...

Frodo: <glaring> You might just want to hold off on the comments for the moment. I don’t want to think about what Merry and Pippin are going to say.

Sam: Yes, Mr. Frodo, sir!

<some time later>

Pippin and Merry rush in. They both stop quickly upon seeing Frodo unusal jewery. Both go rather red.

Pippin: <staring>Frodo, m’lad, where’d ye get that .... thing.... at?

Merry: <laughing> Did you have it done at the Bywater Mall?

Pippin: <laughing harder> Did it hurrrt ye?

Merry: <laughing even harder> Had one too many mushrooms, ey?

Pippin: <laughing still harder> ’Tis sooooo stylish, ’tisn’t it, Merry?

Merry: <almost in a state of complete hysteria> Oooh, yesss! Lovely, my precioussss!

Frodo: <eyes glowing dangerously as he reaches for his ear and Sting at the same time> Oh, Merry, Pippin...<vanishes>

Merry: <hops on one furry foot> OOOOWWW!

Pippin: <hops on one furry foot> YOOOOOWWWW!

Frodo: <becoming visible as Sam, shaking his head, fumbles around in the air and finds Frodo’s head> OUCH! DON’T TOUCH THE EAR!!!!

Sam: Sorry, Mr. Frodo, sir, but it wouldn’t have come to a good end, sir, if you get my meaning, sir.

<Merry and Pippin hop off, screaming, while Frodo rushes off in search of a new town, new friends, new servant and new wizard to listen to>

Sam: <reaching down and picking up the earring from the ground> Yessss.... my precioussss!!!

Cheezypoof 87

Gollum biting off Frodo’s ear... heehee..

ooh.. I got one.  The one...Tongue Stud.  Frodo goes punk.  that would be awesome...okay.  It’s time for bed...

Sare

Yetch....tongue stud? That’s technically wearing it, or would your tongue just go invisible?

At the council of Elrond

Elrond: Bring forth the ring, Frodo.

Frodo: Hang on a thec.....*spits out ring onto table* Bleh....

Everyone at the council: Ewwwww.....it’s covered in saliva, who’d want to steal it? *several elves begin to vomit*

Meeting Faramir

Faramir: I suppose it might be some magic weapon....but whats that glinting on your tongue Frodo? Well, since it isn’t lying by the roadside, I see no harm in taking it...

Steve

If his tongue went invisible - no  one would ever find it! Who’d want to go in a hobbits mouth anyway? I don’t think Gollum would dare to bite it off! Would all of Frodo go wraith-like, or just his tongue? Would all Ringwraiths have this unhealthy attraction to Frodo’s tounge?

Eohdwyn

 EWwwwww! Yuck! I can’t believe I started this!   Okay, THIS is completely insane, Huan!   So now you know . . .   Gollum attempts to bite off Frodo’s ear, but fails. Gollum: *wailing* We can’ts, We can’ts, my precioussss! It’sss too nassssty! We can’t bite off massster’s ear! bad master never washes ’em!! Preciousss! *weeps* 

Cenire

We have overlooked the most popular place to have something pierced (especially among gays and girls.) THE BELLYBUTTON!!! I can see it now!

Huan

what if they turned it into a nipple ring?? frodo at the doom of fire, then gets called frodo the one nippled.... ok not as good as others but u left me nothing, yes I agree Eowyn, can’t u shut it down??

(Editor’s note:  It begins to break down at this point!)

Compiled and Edited by Bereth